03/04/2016

I did not propose to my wife — Ijodee


Professional dancer, Adedayo Liadi aka Ijodee, has been married to Bunmi for eight years. They talk about their marriage
How and when did you meet your wife?
Ijodee: I met her about nine years ago. She was a dancer and was performing on stage. I was attracted to her because she was a dancer and a gospel dancer for that matter. We began to work together and got along quite easily. She does not dance anymore.

Why did you stop dancing?
Bunmi: I stopped dancing after I was delivered of my first child. I was delivered of my three children by caesarean section. I plan to go back to dancing because it is something I love to do.
How did you approach her the first day?
Ijodee: I approached her to work with me because I envisaged it would be easier to attract her attention that way. We began to work closely together and that fostered our connection.
Was it love at first sight?
Ijodee: Dance was the main attraction and it had always been the first point of attraction for all of the ladies I dated before I met my wife. They were all dancers.
Bunmi: It was ‘dance at first sight’ for me. I was lost when I saw him dancing. He is a good dancer, and popular too. I was eager to connect with him when I saw him.
Would you have felt disappointed if he did not speak to you?
Bunmi: He could not have avoided that. I know he likes perfection. I went the extra mile to impress him after I joined his company. I worked hard to perfect my dances and impress him.
At what stage did you decide to marry her?
Ijodee: It was a year after we met. I was ready for marriage. We also understood each other which was quite unusual because I had dated other ladies in the past. I did not need to ask her to marry me anymore.
How did he propose to you?
Bunmi: He did not really propose to me. He asked me to join his dance company and from there, we became interested in each other.
What do you love most about her?
Ijodee: She is down-to-earth and simple. I had always wanted a woman who loves God and that is who she is.
Bunmi: I like his manner of speech. His words are soothing and placating. He has a special way of calming me when I am upset.
How would you describe your marriage?
Ijodee: We have been married for about eight years. We got married a year after we met. We understand each other and we have not had serious issues or disagreements that would make us lose interest in the marriage.
How challenging has it been living apart?
Bunmi: It was a bit tough. My husband is not always around. He comes in one or two weeks before the day I am expected to be delivered of our baby. But he helps out with chores whenever he is around.
How did you overcome the difficult times in your marriage?
Bunmi: There is no perfect marriage. You must have wisdom and understanding. Once you understand your partner and are patient, you will overcome a lot of things.
What advice can you offer couples who live apart?
Bunmi: Wives must believe in God. Their husbands are public figures and they must be patient. They should always pray for them. Even if I see my husband with any woman, I will not be scared of anything. I know he will always come back to me because he is mine. With God, all things are possible.
What does he do to make you angry?
Bunmi: He gets angry quickly but also calms quickly. His anger does not last.
How do you make up when you have misunderstandings?
Ijodee: I am about nine years older than my wife and I have had experiences from other relationships. I always treat her as my friend and we talk like siblings would do. We developed that bond when we were courting and it has been like that till date. None of our children has seen us shout at each other.
What is the secret of your successful marriage?
Bunmi: It has been God. I am a Christian and I believe in God. He is the answer to all my problems. A lot of women here who do not live with their husbands indulge in illicit affairs but I am happy I know and serve God.
Who is stricter with the children?
Ijodee: She is stricter. I live in Nigeria and they live in France. Whenever I am in France, it is always fun. They do not see me all the time, so I have no time to reprimand them in a harsh manner. However, I do not indulge them unnecessarily.
Why did you decide to live apart?
Ijodee: My wife lives there because of my children’s education. I have always wanted my children to study abroad and not in Nigeria because of the poor educational system which I experienced while growing up. Also, I want them to be multilingual.
How often do you visit them?
Ijodee: I visit them anytime my wife feels it is time for me to visit them. I do not really have a particular time.
Don’t you think you are missing out in your children’s affairs?
Ijodee: I see them often and technology has helped too. We make Skype calls and I know when they are carrying out any activity, although I may not be there physically.
How do you rekindle your love?
Bunmi: Rekindling love is unique to every couple. We always talk, about five or six times every day and we also communicate through text messages. He takes  us out whenever he is in France.
How do you support his career?
Bunmi: I offer advice and encouragement to him all the time. I also pray for him all the time.
What would be your advice for intending couples?
Ijodee: They should be accommodating. Both parties cannot get angry at the same time. The man should not assume the wife is a housemaid or be too domineering. They should always pray as a family too. They must not keep secrets from each together too.
Bunmi: If they are not ready for marriage, they should not endeavour to venture into it. Their marriage can only last if it is based on God’s foundation.
What pet names do you call each other?
Ijodee: She is my mum, so I call her Mum, My love or My life.
Bunmi: I call him Honey, but when I am angry I call him Dee.

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