You all know Underworld right? There is this British band with Karl Hyde and Rick Smith by that name. Great band they were… only lovers of good music like me will know, not this kpangolo with fruits falling all over people that you guys listen to these days. But then, it is not that Underworld that I refer to here. Think instead of Underworld the movie. You remember that series of action horror films of vampires and werewolves? Remember now? Oya google it if you don’t know, it’s free.
The gist is that a new version of this series is being shot as we speak in Lagos and you should be worried.
In the last two months, if you really read the news, that is, if you go beyond the gossips on whose marriage is breaking up or which celebrity’s sex tape made it online, you would have observed the series of discoveries (read sightings) of the production crew of this new addition to the Underground series being shot in Lagos with the audience being treated to free premiere screenings of the movie and in some cases, becoming part of the cast of the movie themselves.
Ok. Ok. I get it. You are now confused. Easy. Before you accuse me of being Fake news, let me clarify. There have been several news reports in recent times about the discovery of ritual activities across the city of Lagos. This is common news right? Badoo is one such. What makes this different however is the site of these activities; underground tunnels. In at least five instances, we have had reports of ritual gangs operating from the underground tunnels. In one instance, witnesses claimed to have been alerted by the screaming of a woman apparently being kidnapped and dragged deep into the tunnel. We read of findings like human remains, syringes full of blood, body parts etc when the tunnels are searched. We heard of some suspects caught and lynched at the site.
Underground tunnel. Underground. Vampires. Rituals. See the connection now?
How more freakish can it get? By the way, Freakish is the title of an American television horror series that premiered sometime last year. So you see, it is like a giant horror movie series is being shot and directed right under our noses in Lagos. Does this not give you some major goosebumps or make your hair stand on end? If it doesn’t, I suggest you should stop reading at this point and hurry somewhere to check if you are still a human being.
I am assuming that since you are reading this, you are human. Good. So I was talking about goosebumps and hairs standing. There is also this cold feeling that sits in the bottom of your stomach accompanied by a marching band taking over the left of your chest when you read these things. I mean, we know about these things right? Think Clifford Orji. Think Otokoto. Think the age old one-chance buses. Think even of all those stories we grew up hearing of how you would turn to a tuber of yam if you picked up a naira note on the ground. We are familiar with ritual stories. But something makes this danger more immediate and more threatening when you hear or read of actual discoveries, so close to home
I never knew for one, how well developed and interconnected these tunnels were. I bet that even the authorities do not know this either. Apparently, criminal elements have discovered them and are putting them to use. This is worrying, to say the least. You can say for a fact, that a thriving human parts business is ongoing across Lagos, right under our feet.
And to make it even more theatrical, these tunnel vamps use people who pose like mad people. Kai, see evil ingenuity. They know as a people that we do not care about mentally challenged people and are more likely to ignore a mad wo(man) loitering the streets. You see how our failures are coming back to haunt us? Our very abysmal understanding of and response to mental health in this country is really shameful. But that will be a topic for another day. Just to say that those people we see with thick dirty dada hair, sometimes naked, sometimes clothed in coats of many colours, really ought not to be there, on the street in the first place. And as we have come to discover, some of them are not actually mad. They are killers or carriers of human parts and essential parts of that entire evil ‘value’ chain.
The question you may be asking is how do we respond to this, right? I have been asking myself that same thing too. We can sit back and say oh well, the discoveries were not made in our part of Lagos, so we are safe. Or we don’t even live in Lagos so no worries. Or even still, we can cover ourselves over and over again with the blood of Jesus and anoint our bodies from head to toe. But that will just be playing to the gallery. Like some lotto advert says, e fit be you o. Or if we want to drill even deeper, It could be your friend or your brother or your child… that will be the next victim.
I think we have recorded sufficient incidences for the Lagos state government to make moves to reclaim control of the Lagos underworld. Working with security agencies and city planners, the existence of these tunnels, their access points and their network should be combed to rid them all of the criminal elements that have taken over them. Afterwards, we need to design a system of monitoring the tunnels, maintaining surveillance around them and ensuring they are not being used for the wrong reasons. Perhaps further down the line, we can have a conversation around the existence of mad people on our streets and the wider conversation around mental health in this country.
In addition, people caught should be subjected to the law. We know it is generally easier for an Elephant to birth a Hyena than for this to happen in this country. Ok. That’s a little extreme, but you get the point right? Little wonder our people have taken to lynching the suspects once discovered. There is this thing that ritualists have big backers in places of power and authority hence they never get punished. And even when they are, those are just the small fries. The foot soldiers who can be dispensed of. But who really are these big guns behind it all. Are they ghosts? Seriously, even ghosts have hunters abeg! They can be hunted if we are serious enough.
Last-last, just stay safe because, in this country, no body sends you. Be careful where you go and at what time. Be vigilant in your neighbourhood. Board buses at designated bus parks. Be wary of free rides. That mad wo(man) may not be mad o. Teach your children basic safety tips starting from ‘don’t talk to strangers. And finally, pray – cos that’s how we roll in Nigeria.
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