23/05/2016

Marriages Are Failing Too Much Today: See The Solutions



Going by the spate of upheavals, violence and breakages in marriages, Yetunde Oladeinde and Dorcas Egede of The Nation attempt an appraisal of the situation and here's what you get:

Families, healthy lives and a sustainable future. That is the theme for this year’s Family Day celebration. Unfortunately, a lot of things threaten the existence of the family today. This includes the spate of spousal abuse, abandonment, betrayal, extreme financial crisis and the unbearable desire to get rich quickly.

Spouses are therefore always ready to do anything to satisfy this – no matter whose ox is gored...

Marriage, interestingly, is one factor that is considered when describing who is a responsible member of a society and who is not. In spite of the advantages, we still have a great number of divorce cases in our societies. One therefore begins to wonder what has gone wrong with this most respected institution.

The reason for this ugly phenomenon is not far-fetched. 
It ranges from economic issues to misunderstanding from both parties and other extraneous factors.

Violence and spousal abuse has become very rampant because of frustrations and economic problems.

Celebrities have had their fair share of crisis on a regular basis; and on such occasions, you are inundated with tales of how things fell apart. However, there are some celebrities who have been lucky with their marriages; instead of experiencing diminishing returns in the union, they wax stronger.

Ashionye Michelle Raccah has been lucky to find a man who understands her personality and career. “Marriage has been fantastic, my husband and I are like friends; we are like brother and sister, more than husband and wife. We don’t have secrets, we share everything together.”

The singer, actress and producer added: “I believe that is what has been keeping the marriage going. I am lucky to be married to someone who is also in the business and enjoys it. There are no restrictions, he believes in professionalism. We thank God for the journey so far, and we are praying to be together till we are grey and old.”

Wife's infidelity is one of the greatest reasons for the crisis and subsequently disentanglement. Deception in marriage is not just about infidelity. It actually comes in different guises.

Florence Adigun is another woman whose marriage hit the rocks from the onset. “I got married on the 8th of October 2003. Even though, he was older, he was very good looking, simple and easy going.” The wedding process went well but the crisis came when she discovered that the man she just got married to was impotent.

“On the night of the wedding, we were together in a hotel for our honeymoon and I looked forward to our first night together. All night, we were together but he did not make any move towards me and I was so confused. I also noticed that he became restless and when it was 5am I asked him what was wrong. Suddenly, he was begging me and telling me he was impotent. He also pleaded that I should not tell his mother anything...”

Like Adigun, twenty-nine year old Rebecca wished her marriage would last a lifetime. To make this happen, she took her time and refused to date just anybody. Finally, she found someone she loved. “We met at a friend’s wedding and it was love at first sight. We got married shortly afterwards and everyone in his family was so good to me”.

Lucky? Not really! Barely two weeks after tying the knot with her Romeo, she discovered that he was mentally unstable. “I felt so bad because it was something everybody knew about but they cleverly kept it away from me”.

Sadly, she continued her story: “He got angry with everything I did and I became a punching bag. One day, I ran away from his house; I didn’t wait to pick anything. I was so traumatised and just didn’t know what to do with my life after that experience.”

Divorce and marital crisis is not synonymous with celebrities and the rich alone. It actually cuts across every strata of the society. Visits to a few customary courts reveal a number of dramatic cases, where parties concerned seek dissolution to the unions they promised to keep ,’till death do us apart”, depicting the sad state of the marriage institution today.

Lack of contentment, according to some experts, is usually responsible for a number of the marital woes that are rampant now.

However, it is not all negative. There are a number of people who are having wonderful times in their marriage. Mrs. Aramide Oladele, who has been married for about 28 years, is one of such people.

Whenever my husband is happy, I try to make him happier. I cook his favourite dish for him. And it is during this period that I put before him issues that have been waiting for him to handle. This is the time I can get money and all the basic things I want from him. Any time he is angry, I try to pacify him... When he does something I don't like, I keep to myself and when he observes this, he would come to me and ask me what he had done wrong.” In 28 years, they've been going strong.

Pastor Bisi Adewale, an expert of marital issues believes that there are certain ingredients needed to sustain a blissful home. “The first is commitment, a state of being willing to give a lot of time, energy and resources to one’s spouse. Secondly, the spiritual wellbeing of the couple is also very important. They must allow God in their home and give Him the leadership roleOnce, the presence of God is missing in a marriage; the devil will be in the driver’s seat driving such homes into stormy waters.”

He adds that: “Togetherness is compulsory where marriage must be the best. Research shows that couples that do things together tend to be closer, understand each other and have a successful marriage, than those who don’t spend time together. If your marriage must be strong, you must live together, talk, sleep, play, eat and pray together. Mind you, many things like hours spent at work, watching TV, talking to your friends, salon and the internet are competing seriously with your time to the detriment of your marriage. To make your marriage a success, you must make your spouse part of your daily schedules, regardless of how busy you are.”

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