Shockwaves are reverberating across Yorùbáland and the global Yorùbá diaspora following the sudden death of the Baba Ọba (King’s Father) of the famed Oyotunji African Village in South Carolina, USA. The late Baba Ọba, Lukman Arohunfale, a revered socialite and traditionalist, passed away under circumstances already sparking fierce controversy. His death comes just days after he publicly accused the newly installed Alaafin of Oyo, His Imperial Majesty Oba Akeem Adéyẹmọ Owoade, of allegedly ordering his courtiers to beat him mercilessly during a recent courtesy visit to the Oyo palace in Nigeria. In a widely circulated voice recording, the deceased recounted how what was meant to be a simple homage turned violent. Although the Baba Ọba had reportedly battled ill health in the past year, growing insinuations suggest that the alleged physical assault may have aggravated his condition, ultimately leading to his untimely death. The palace in Oyo recently denied that s...
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Avoid taking it personally. Know that when a person is jealous of you, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Be confident in yourself. Don’t allow a jealous person to affect your confidence or to create self doubt.
Keep doing what you're doing, and don't allow others to stop you.
Focus on people that support you.
Remind yourself that they're jealous because you are doing something well.
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Ignore the jealous and hateful comments. Although it’s hard to do, ignoring mean comments from jealous people tells them you are not going to validate their feelings.
Address haters in your daily life head on. When ignoring someone is not an option, approaching the situation directly may help release the jealous tension. Have a conversation to confront them about their behavior.
"I want to have a positive working relationship; what can I do to help promote that environment?"
"While I appreciate your constructive criticisms, I feel that you sometimes come across a little harsh."
Reduce your negative interactions with the person. If you can change your environment or social dynamics it will reduce the jealous person’s ability to influence you.
Hang out with people who support you, so the hater is less likely to confront you when you're with a group.
When you see the jealous person, be the first to speak with a polite greeting then move on.
Become friends with their friends to make them feel like the outsider.
Change your routine so you don't cross paths with the hater. Take a different path when walking, use a bathroom in another hallway, or see if you can switch your schedule to change classes or shifts.
Set boundaries. Don’t feel like you have to continue to listen to a jealous person vent to you all the time. Set boundaries to distance yourself from the person. Make a mental time limit for how long you will engage with a negative person, then politely excuse yourself from the conversation.
Give yourself 1 minute when you talk to them, then walk away saying "I need to go check something."
Keep track of negative comments, and after 3, end the conversation.
Let the person know that you don't appreciate the negativity. While you don't want to be rude and upset the person further, making them aware of how they are making you feel may cause them to change their behavior.
"I feel uncomfortable with the way you speak to me."
"Your approach when we talk makes me feel bad. Can we change our interactions to be more positive?"
Helping People Overcome Their Jealousy
Rise above the haters and jealous people. No matter how negative a person is, keep your interactions with them positive. Show them a better way to handle situations by being the example
Compliment the person on their positive traits.
Be kind in all your interactions with the person.
Offer to help the person improve their skills in the area they are jealous of you.
Connect with them about your personal struggles. Some people feel like they are the only ones who have negative experiences. Opening up about your own personal pitfalls may help them realize they are not alone and improve your relationship.
Share times that you have failed at something.
Discuss tasks that are difficult for you.
Ask the jealous person to help you with something to help their confidence.
Help the person improve themselves. Jealousy can come from feeling inferior. Offering to tutor or coach a jealous person to improve their skills in the area in which they are jealous of you may help alleviate the feelings. Be supportive of the other person's efforts so you don't come across as condescending by implying that you are better than the other person
Offer alternatives. If someone is jealous because of what you have or are doing show them options as alternatives. It is not always possible to provide what everyone wants. Be creative in creating alternative options to present to people who are jealous of you.
Try offering multiple possibilities to allow them to make a choice
Avoid posting inflammatory comments or pictures on social media. You don’t need to stop using social media, but thinking about the way others perceive you can go a long way in making sure your posts aren’t offensive and creating jealousy.
Understanding the Origins of Jealousy and Negativity
Know what jealousy is. People get jealous when they feel that someone else has something that should be theirs. People who are jealous often blame others around them rather than recognizing the emotion that is making them feel hurt.
Find the specific source of the person’s jealousy. Most jealousy comes from fears; the fear of being disrespected or not being loved can be powerful influences. Find out what fear is fueling the jealousy to gain perspective on where they are coming from. The jealousy can stem from a variety of sources:
Physical objects
Personal relationships
Professional positions
Social status
Ask directly what is bothering the person. Politely approach someone who is acting jealous or hating on your success and ask them why. Don’t add more reasons for them to be upset by being rude, but be direct and open for best results. You could try one of these suggestions to help them open up:
”I’ve noticed you acting different around me. Have I done something that bothered you?”
”I want to make sure I haven’t upset you, is everything ok?”
”You’re an awesome person, and I wanted to know if there was something that is coming between us.”
Separating Jealousy and Criticism
Consider the source of the behavior. Think about who is providing the comments you feel are hateful or jealous. If the person is your superior or a coach, they are most likely trying to help you improve and not cut you down.
Observe the person's interactions with others. Some people have a tendency for medically recognized delusional jealousy. These individuals constantly express jealousy and may not mean what they are saying
Be willing to accept critiques in a positive manner. Even when you feel that someone is being too blunt or rude with their comments, you can still accept their comments as constructive criticisms. Embrace the suggestions and keep your outlook positive.
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